Parents are supposed to outlive their children. But if the unthinkable happens, dealing with the grief can be almost too much to bear.
But a Saskatoon tattoo shop has turned into an unlikely place of healing. With a photo and some ink, tattoo memorials are helping parents through the grief.
Erin and Lee Spray lost their son Jaren at nine and a half months from SIDS. Cindy Placsko-Korte's six-year-old daughter Rayna died of cancer. Angela and Grant Rhyde's two-year-old daughter Reece couldn't fight off a virus. Their stories may differ, but their sorrow is the same. Now, these parents share permanent memories and tributes to their lost children.
They've all received free memorial tattoos at Saskatoon's Tantrix Body Art.
Erin says the tattoo has helped her deal with the death of her son. "It's a permanent mark on my body. It's a testament to what happened and I carry him with me all the time, I carry him with me in my heart and I carry him with me on my shoulder."
The tributes have done more than help heal the soul. They've created a support group to talk about what no one wants to talk about. The group of parents started meeting to talk about their losses.
"Losing a child is an unknown. It's unnatural," says Erin. "Parents are supposed to outlive their children, so when you're able to have people to talk to on your bad days, it's a huge help."
Cindy says reaching out to the other parents in the group for support. "It feels like you're the only person who could ever understand this pain. And we're not. There are other moms and this is a way for us to find them."
Ultimately, it was Angela's loss that spurred the group to motion. When she lost her daughter Reece, she says it was tough to find local support, until she came to get a tattoo at Tantrix.
The tattoo studio has done memorial tattoos for parents for years, and never felt right about taking money for it. When Angela came to get inked, the idea of free memorial tattoos was born, and Tantrix named it after Reece.
Leanne Thompson-Hill tattoos at Tantrix Body Art. She says creating these memorials is an honour. "You have a parent that is grieving and is learning a whole new normal of life and it's such a shock and it takes forever, it's not like you just get better, it's steps right? And this is one step that we can offer and just to see that - it's just the hugest honour."
Now, Tantrix does at least one memorial tattoo a week - on their own time, for free. And after seeing so many parents suffering through the loss of a child, Leanne has decided to ink something new – a petition. She's helping to start a petition, asking for legislation to support a paid leave for parents who have lost a child.
"They don't get benefits. They get nothing. We have maternity leave but when you lose a child you're expected to go back to work," says Leanne.
But that's the next step. Right now, Tantrix is just happy they can help parents like Cindy reach a place of peace. "It's like proof, physical proof that she was here and she was important and I loved her so much."
